It’s such a shame that my last post was back at 2020.
I skipped a whole year in 2021.
A lot of things happened since the last time I wrote in this blog.
COVID-19 still happening.
I graduated from school at January 2021. I’m an internist now.
I chose an unexpected path. I accepted the offer to become a staff at FKUI-RSCM. The decision that has made me wondering everyday until now if it was a right decision. All the hardships I must going through due to that decision….I don’t know if I could endure those all, or if those hardships worth the tears, sweat and blood I shed.
I got relapsed, and worse, my anxiety really kicked in. Had a few panic attacks in the last one year. Starting taking medication since last year, and not only antidepressant, but also antianxiety.
But not all about hardships.
Of course I got so many new opportunities to learn new things.
I got accepted as PhD student with scholarship from LUMC Global (at the same year, I just finished my internal medicine program! Wasn’t it really crazy?).
I become a K-pop stan. I’m a proud ELF right now.
Despite all the hectic schedule, I squeezed my time to travel. Bali, Malang, Mt. Bromo, Bangkok, and next Singapore. I still abide by the principle: “Work hard, play harder”.
I and mom, Insya Allah, would go umroh next month. I hope that journey would help me to clear my mind and my heart.
Still no clue about my future partner. I trust in Allah 100%. Though I don’t know what I should do anymore? What efforts could I do more? I just pray that someday I’d be deserved to get a life partner, to go with so many adventures, playing together, crying together, and happy together. Will I?
I’m now officially the breadwinner of my family.
Right now, I’m a train-wreck. I have my mind and my heart scattered. I couldn’t focus on anything 100%. Got let down so many times, but I already desensitize myself to disappointment. Got disappointed, then move on. That’s how I survive right until now.
Because, at the end of the day, you yourself is the person who’d help and save you.
Lazy writer 