Those words above: absolutely right!
Me constantly trying to fix everything, trying to hold everything up, trying to make everthings right, is what’s killing me slowly…
But whenever I tried to stop doing that, I kept remember this verse…
I’m tired reading between those lines.
I’m just tired being tired.
It feels like…
Rather than counting the days ‘I’m over him’, counting the days ‘I decide to control my body weight’ makes more sense…
You can’t take back texts. If you come off all moody and melancholy in a text, it just sits there in your phone, reminding you of what a drag you are.
Fangirl – Rainbow Rowell
Reading news about the soon-to-be minister, about his biography, and somehow, I could picture it is you in the future..haha..
You being professor in the faculty and my children would tease me: you ever had a thing with that professor?
Those posts on the wall, those tweets, they are all like bookmarks of our life.
Visiting the old days through them made me re-arrange the puzzles in my memory. My memory that sometimes feels fuzzy and fading.
Then I found some clarity.
The funny one.
People could have a hunch, right? Like an instinct, like that your gut could tell you something.
I always have that when I thought someone was kind of flirting with me.
But…without a vivid and unevitable evidence, most people would call you a narcissist if you said so.
So, mostly I would keep it to myself, and trying so hard not to get it over my head — my coping mechanism would be: “no..they’re not flirting with me, they’re just being friendly…and I will just response normally and casually”.
There. That was my common mistake — that surpsrisingly, was pointed out by a friend who happened just knowing only one of my love life story. She’s good (damn).
Now I realize that…it is very possible that in the state I so-called myself flirting back and giving a green light to a guy who’s flirting with me, other people would see it just as casual as I mingle with my other friends. Crap. Is that so?
I look back, reading all those posts and tweets, and I’m looking at those guys (yes, more than one) that almost always be there, replying and commenting my posts. From where I stand now, it’s clear as crystal, they intended something other than being friends. I always have been blaming those guys — who rumor has it, have feelings for me — for not making any efforts to make me know. But what if, after all this time, it was me. It was me who take them for granted.
You were my addiction.
You were my habit.
You were my daily needs.
Even you are pain.
Because they said: pain demands to be felt.
But I passed my day 1.
I’m a sober.
I’m looking forward to day 2, day 7, and day 30.
And I pray after that, I’ll no longer need to count any.
People doesn’t care about you anymore when they stop caring for you.
That’s it. It’s that simple. No more ‘but’, no more ‘what if’.
He texted you everday. So what? Does he still text you everday?
Time passes by.
Why can’t you see it?
Just stop torturing yourself.
Please. I beg you.
This is the clarity you’ve been searching for.
I got the whiplash.
Then I experienced the spinal shock.
I never realize what hit me.
Until you’re gone.
And what’s all left is just this mess, paralyzed.
Wish they all are true.
Recovery needs time.
Few days ago, The Script announced another tour dates of #NSWSTour2015.
For Asia and Australia region!
And guess what, Indonesia is not included!!!!!
This was exactly (and still is) my face ➡ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭