Financially independent (?)

Di awal 2014 kemarin, saya cuma punya satu resolusi: to be financially independent.

Tapi belakangan kok terasa semu ya.
Beneran ini yang namanya financially independent?
Kalau saja perencana keuangan liat neraca saya tiap bulan, mungkin mereka rasanya mau gantung diri aja kali.
Money is indeed not everything, but eventually everything needs money.
And I reach a conclusion that I’m not really financially independent, because I make something be dependent to my income, at a bad proportion. Though it’s based on a good intention, I’m still doomed one way or another. And that scares me.


The Timeline

July 2012
You shouldn’t have asked to go out that day. I even quite forgot that I ever had crush on you. I had let it go. You were just my senior that I’d had admired. Imagine where I am right now if it had never happened.

March 2014
You shouldn’t have said that you still kept the feeling, that you still wanted to see me when you came back. It just ruined everything.

June 2014
You shouldn’t have said that you had ever liked me since God-knows-when, that I was the first girl you ever asked going out, that there were never other girls for the last 2 years, that there was only me in your mind. That was when you fucked up my mind. The worst of all is you blurted out saying that you wanted to started all over again with me.

(Still) June 2014Maybe I shouldn’t have asked more. Maybe I should have just said “yes”, no more question. Then you said the most despicable thing: “I was being impulsive”. I’ve never realized it until now that it is what hurts me the most.

January 2015

I’m really messed up still thinking about you, while for all I know, I probably never cross in your mind.


He’s a boy who dreamt to get out of his hometown, chasing his dreams out there. I’m the girl who couldn’t leave the town. And in what movies, the boy would come back for the girl?


Adios, 2014!

At the end of 2014, at the last few hours, I learnt a lot.
Never judge a person by its cover. Just never. What you see in people is only what they allow you to see. Smile is the best mask.
Every single people has their own problem. They are struggling with their own battles. For every characters, attitude, behavior shown from a person, they come from a unique story, and for all you know, from a lot of pain.
A burden shared is a half-less burden. And it is something you should be grateful of if you find friends to share it, and to understand it.
Every people is struggling their own battles, and they keep moving on. So why wouldn’t you?