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Photography

Pengalaman jalan-jalan beberapa hari ini, membuat gue pengen belajar tentang fotografi.
Ketika lo punya hp dengan spec kamera yang udah ok, 8 MP, 13 MP, terus objek foto lo adalah easy object karna di outdoor, arah datang cahaya tepat (gak bikin backlight effect), it is only a piece of cake to produce a good picture.
Tapi…saat kondisi objek lebih menantang, seperti, lo mau foto di depan objek terang bekerlip-kerlip, di malam hari, wew, that was just another thing; atau saat lo mau ambil foto konser musik, dimana objek foto lo bergerak kesana kemari, lampu di panggung, kadang redup, kadang lampu sorot berubah arah, kadang terang banget.
Gue pernah baca novel yang karakter utamanya punya hobi fotografi, dan digambarkan kalo seorang fotografer itu harus sabar menunggu moment utk sebuah foto yg bagus. Now I get that.
So, is this a new thing I should pursue?

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Ilmu ikhlas

Baru saja mendapat pelajaran tentang ‘ikhlas’ jilid kesekian.
Bisa jadi hal yang kita inginkan, tidak pernah kita dapatkan; justru di depan mata kita, didapatkan oleh orang lain, dengan bantuan kita.
Sedih juga ya ternyata.
Memang ya, ilmu ikhlas itu ilmu yang paling susah.

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I miss you.

Oh God, how I miss the feeling of having crush on somebody…
Make a stolen glance..
Caught a stolen glance..
Being nervous out of a text…
Skip a heartbeat when my skin touch his accidentally..
Get blushrd when he tease me…
Laugh on his jokes..
Flirt over jokes..
Good God, I want to experience those again..
I’m sick being this numb, miserable, and pathetic.

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I gave up the idea of having guy best-friend. Because apparently, at the end, they always wanted something more than friendship. And they left, when they didn’t get it.
And people called me friendzoning them. It was funny. It always is. Do you know how it feels being abandoned by your own friend? Disappointed.

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You are still the ghost.

Be wanted and rejected at the same time.
Confusing. Time just stopped and I forgot how think and react. For all I know, ‘smiling’ and saying ‘It is okay’ was the best weapon. I shouldn’t have hold back. I should’ve been angry. I should’ve been crying, maybe. But no, my dignity was everything, always has been. And I’ve been tasting the poison since then. I’m dying. I refuse to regret, yet my heart and my mind also refuse to move on. I am a prisoner, of memories of you. Memories, that probably, has been manipulated by the distortion in my brain. But one thing I know for sure, you are still the ghost in my life. The ghost that somehow I wish, I pray, would ressurect someday, to save me.