Always wrong

After all these years I’d been closing my heart, why did I decide to open it to the wrong person?

Raining on Sunday Morning

I just realized that I will not be having any child at least not until I’m 31.

And it hits me hard.

The effect of raining on Sunday morning, I guess..

Diingatkan

Mungkin ini cara Allah untuk ngingetin gue kali ya..

Ngingetin gimana rasanya pulang pergi rumah naek kereta lagi.

Coba, kapan terakhir lo mau pulang pergi Bekasi naek kereta?

Kali emang jodoh lo adanya di peron stasiun atau gerbong kereta, hahahahaha.

Dulu sering mengkhayalnya gtu kan?

12 tahun lalu, 7 tahun lalu…

Terima kasih Ya Allah, aku tahu Engkau sudah menyelipkan bibit ikhlas di hati ini.

My promise

Hancur hati ini saat denger Mama nanya ke tukang ikan berapa harga ikan bawal sekilo, dijawab 70 ribu, dan respon Mama, “mahal banget…ikan kembung aja deh..”

Maafin ya, Ma.

Maafin…

Nanti ada saatnya Mama ke pasar, ke supermarket, gak usah peduliin harga…

This is my promise.

Accepting

One miracle night and finally I could accept the answer from The God.

It was September 3rd.

It took me 5 years to understand and accept the answer.

Lesson learned, thank you.

For every those random messages you sent me, I do pray to God to give me extra strength.

Strength to not fall for you.

Same old story

Hi again!

The last entry was on June 2018.

A lot of things has happened and passed by.

And here I am, all by myself, at car repair shop. My car alarm just decided to give in. So, naturally, didn’t know whom I could rely on, I decided to handle it on my own.

Same old story, huh?

I hope it’s not a way Universe tell me, “be tough, you’ll be on the whole ride all by yourself”

“What if one of them was the one who I missed out?”

Last night was the reunion of old friends.

Some stories I had with some of them.

Not one, not two, but three of them.

Was not it real funny, to see them sitting side by side.

They all are married, and have child of their own, and looked happy with their own life.

And I looked at myself, on my imaginary mirror, asking myself, “what if one of them was the one who I missed out?”.

And that was when I know I’m f*cked up.

Doa yang spesifik ya, Tha!

“Ya Allah, kangen di-PDKT-in”

Kalo doa, makanya yang spesifik, ada sih yang PDKT, flattering anyhow, but it comes from someone who has all the contraindications in the first place.

Bisa apa gue, cuma senyum-senyum miris, sambil membatin, “kok gini amat yak hidup”

Your chapter is finally closed

Should I delete all the writings about you, too?

Make you burn into ashes, and leave no marks in my life.